So, here it goes. I was diagnosed with a tumor on my ovary on December 21. I was shocked and discouraged to find this out. It was found simply by accident, although with God, there are no accidents. It was discovered in a sonogram I had for another diagnostic purpose. There it was! In plain view to the radiologist and then my doctor.
A life changing moment. I was so shocked when the doctor called. I didn't know how to believe it. I found out in one short phone call that this tumor, which is bigger than a walnut, is changing my life. In just a short moment, I found out I would be having a radical hysterectomy as soon as possible and that I would be thrown into instant menopause. Me? Really? I was in shock. How could things change so quickly? I will see the surgical oncologist in two days.
My first reaction was disbelief. I couldn't believe it. Then I went into a couple of days of non-stop crying and panic attacks. Then I started learning the facts. That's when "CATHY" showed up again. I was shocked to learn that 15,000 American women die of ovarian cancer ever year. That's just in America! Mostly, they die because there aren't regular tests performed to check for ovarian cancer and by the time there are symptoms, it is often too late. I don't have any of the usual symptoms, most of which are more gastrointestinal in nature, so you would never believe they are related to an ovary. There really should be more screening for this disease, but I will get on that "soap box" another day.
I have struggled through the last week. For 90% of each day, I'm on fire for the cause. I would be the national spokesperson for ovarian cancer awareness if they would have me. The other 10% of the day, I feel sorry for myself and I cry and I panic and I pace and...guess what...I eat! Yep, I'm always going to be a chubby girl on the inside. I'm afraid to workout. What if I hurt myself? Crazy thoughts and crazy feelings...10% of the day.
But God brings me through each day. He holds me when I feel alone. He sends people into my life to comfort me before I know I need to be comforted. Yesterday, I saw so many old and new friends at church. A few old friends from my childhood were visiting. Many new friends were there as well. Then there are my regular friends who have been there with me all along. I am so blessed. Each week I am surrounded by people I love and I get more than my share of hugs, even when nothing is "wrong" with me!
Yesterday, one of the visiting friends was a "girl" I've known since I was 12. She is a lovely and vibrant person who now lives in California. I hadn't had the privilege of speaking with her in a long time. She embraced me with a warmth most humans rarely feel. She prayed for me with a group of friends, holding hands with me and around me. I wish I had it on my iPad so I could listen to that prayer of encouragement and hope over and over again. She changed my life...in that single moment.
I have hope and I have strength. At first, I was embarrassed to tell people that I had an ovarian tumor and needed a radical hysterectomy. What would people think? That was very short lived. Now, it is empowering. If one woman gets checked because of this girl, my pain will not be in vain.
The words of one of my favorite songs come to mind, I'm Trading My Sorrows:
I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord.
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord.
I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the course for His promise will endure
His joy's gonna be my strength.
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning.
Hey, I'm not ashamed. I'm not destroyed. I'm empowered and I'm protected and most of all, I am loved. Joy will come! I'm counting on it. He's promised it to me!
Take care and be in good health!
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