Catherine Corley - Extra Love for the Single Parents

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."  Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)  

Many of you know that I was a single mom for many years.  My husband left when my kids were ten and eight.  I was very blessed because I bought the house next door to my adoring parents, but life was really difficult.  It meant a lot of changes.  I had been working part-time so I could be home with the kids, so I had to change my hours to more than full-time.  In addition, he left December 1 which meant Christmas time, so I didn't know how I was going to handle that.  Also, I had just taken my children out of the inadequate elementary school and was "temporarily" homeschooling them until the next year started and they could go to private school.  Well, everything changed with the words, "I don't want to be married to you anymore!"

I'm writing this blog at this time of year because I see so many of my friends going through tough times as single parents.  One in particular has had me praying very hard for her lately.  I feel compelled to pray for her at my every thought of her.  One of her sons is grown but she is still raising a teenager on her own.  All you folks who aren't single parents, don't believe for a second that it gets easier as the kids get older!  New ages, new challenges!  Don't even get me started about being a single parent with a kid and a learner's permit!  I still have nightmares where I try to use the invisible brake!  

This time of year can be especially hard on working single parents.  There is guilt because they aren't home enough.  Guilt they don't have enough money to spend (especially if the other parent does).  Guilt that they can't be home baking cookies and spreading decorations around the house in a fa la la la la festive way.  No, most of them are working long days, doing too many chores alone, shopping for gifts AND groceries at odd hours, and some are working night shifts and attempting to sleep during the day.

If you know a single parent, reach out to them today.  Find out if there is something you can do to help.  A gift is always nice, but there are other ways to help too.  Bake their Christmas cookies for them.  Offer to shop.  Keep their children while they go Christmas shopping so they won't have to do what I did with mine--I don't know how many times my kids fell for the old "ooh, we should get this for the Toys for Tots campaign" when I was actually buying their gifts with them in the cart.  My kids now think that trick was inspired and hard to believe they fell for it so many times.

Reach out to a single parent and show them some love and caring, especially if they don't have a strong support system.  We all need extra love and caring this time of year.  It's overwhelming!  But when you are a single parent, it can feel like you are drowning in quick sand.  

Some of the most amazing parents I know are single parents.  They have to be both parents; wipe away tears and heartbreak by themselves (some even caused by the other parent); do all the disciplining; and they have to work twice as hard to make things right.  They deserve special medals, you know!  I think "Super Parents" sounds much better than "Single Parents!"  For most of them, the "single" wasn't their choice!

By the way, my kids never did get to go to that private school.  I ended up homeschooling them for the rest of their education.  Their father and I became good friends and, although I did ALL the work, he provided for us (above the standard child support) and we all four engaged in a family night every week so we wouldn't have any awkwardness.  We spent the holidays together too, including his family and mine at our house on Christmas morning so our kids weren't shuffled back and forth.  It took some work, but it worked for us.  I'm thankful we were able to shrug off the tremendous hurt to be a family for our kids.  Not everyone can do that, I was blessed we could.  

The verses that helped me through those difficult years were 1 Peter 5:6-7 (NIV) "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for YOU."

Bless a Super Parent today!